Goodbye
by j.v
Summary: Rory and Dean had just broken up the night she came from Washington. Dean walks through Stars Hollow depressed and upset... happy at the same time. He sees Jess and... (yeah this is the part where you have to read and find out. LOLZ) REVISED chapter 3 R/R
1. Default Chapter

Dean  
  
Why? Why did she do it? I kept thinking about that question all summer. Yet no answers came to mind only thoughts. Maybe she doesn't love me anymore or maybe she never did. I didn't know and now there was only one week of summer left and I still don't know. Why did Rory, my Rory, my beautiful sweet Rory, kiss that awful Jess? That question still remains to be pasted in my mind like it was tattooed on. Lying on my bed trying to fade the thought of it out of my mind. Yet, not even the distraction of loud rock music seemed to help so I turned it off and just lied on my bed staring at the ceiling once again, still wondering... why? Suddenly the phone rang. Not wanting to move I just lied there still staring at the ceiling. Then my sister Clara yelled: "Dean! It's Rory!" 'Rory's home!' I thought to myself. I wanted to jump up and down and greet her with my tender kiss, but the thought of how she kissed Jess ruined my happy thought. So instead I did nothing, just sit there staring at the ceiling being depressed once again. "Tell her I'm sick and I'm sleeping!" I heard no response from my sister, which, means she hung up the phone. I was filled with relief. I didn't wanna talk to Rory and even worse... see her. It was too much pain for me to handle. Then a minute later my sister came up to my room. "Hey, I told you to knock before you come in." I said it without looking at her. I just kept glancing at the ceiling. "Who cares. Are you okay?" "Yeah." I lied, which was the first lie I had ever told to my sister. "No, you're not." "Really, why do you say that?" I replied sarcastically. I was still staring at the ceiling. "Well, first of all you didn't even sound the least excited when you're girlfriend called and everyone, practically the whole world, knows how much you love her. All you practically care about is her. You didn't go to work today and all you did was lie down on your bed staring at the ceiling like you where somewhere else." "Maybe I was just tired and needed a break." "Uh huh. Right Dean. Tired. You're never too tired to have time for Rory or talk to her. Besides, all you've done this past month is lock yourself in your room like you were a lunatic with no life." "Can you please bother me later on? I want to be alone." "Somebody's cranky." "Leave." "You know, the whole being depressed and dramatic thing just isn't for you." "Shut the door and leave." "Fine. Whatever." Rory  
  
Dean, sick? I better go and see him. It might cheer him up and I missed him a lot. I ran to his house, practically bolting as fast as the speed of light. Then I made it in ten minutes flat and rang the doorbell. His sister answered. "Hey, Rory." She was smiling. "Hey, is your brother home?" I smiled back. "Yeah, he feels really bad." "Yeah, you told me over the phone. Can I go up and see him?" "Sure, it might make him feel better. He's locked himself in his room all day long just staring at the ceiling. In fact, that's all he's been doing lately. Just a warning though, he was kinda cranky. He told me to leave him alone and bother him later." "Oh, ok, thanks." "Okay." She shrugged. "He's upstairs."  
  
Dean  
  
There was a light knock at the door. I thought it was my sister again, back to annoy me once more and get on my case. "Clara I told you to go away! Bother me later okay?!" "Dean, it's me, Rory!" Rory? What is she doing here? I figured she might've been with Jess already and kissing him without even informing me. I wanted to tell her and leave me alone and go kiss Jess again. I had a really strong urge to do it but something inside me arrested the idea. Maybe cuz I loved her too much and I didn't wanna lose her without an explanation of why she did what she did. "Come in!" "Hey, Dean." A broad smile appeared on her face when she said it. It reminded me of the smile she had when we first met. I said: "Hey." I said it without moving. I was still lying on my back staring at the ceiling. I wanted to say more, and ask all the questions that had been dancing endlessly in my mind all summer long, but instead all I could do was say 'Hey.' She sat down right next to me and glanced at my far away expression. "Are you okay?" "Yeah, I have just been thinking about a lot of things."  
  
"Like what?" "Like how long you're gonna lie to me Rory." I finally moved my glance at the ceiling and motioned my gaze to her. I stared her directly into her eyes. "What?" "I said, how long are you gonna lie to me?" "Dean, I don't know what you're talking about." "Rory do you love me?" "Of course I do. I always have." "Then why did you do it?" "Do what?" "Rory. I know you kissed Jess." I almost cried but I managed to hold my tears back. Rory got up looking uncomfortable at the situation. "You know?" I didn't answer or move in fact I had no expression at all. I focused on trying to hold my tears back and my temper. Although, I had all summer to let out all my emotions, I still had anger and anguish inside of me. "How'd you find out?" "I heard Miss Patty and Babbette gossiping about it at the market."  
  
Rory  
  
I guess that's nothing new. Miss Patty has always been the gossiping type. She was like a live talking tabloid magazine walking around Stars Hollow. "Dean, I'm sorry." My eyes were beginning to flood with tears when I said it. "No, you're not. I know you're not." "I'm really, really sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen." "Then why did it happen?" "I don't know." I seriously didn't know the response to this question myself. My heartbeat seemed to be beating at a rate of 200 beats a minute. I was scared that Dean would raise his voice but surprisingly he didn't, he remained calm and even worse I was scared that he might end everything. He sat down on his bed facing me, not moving his gaze from me. "Rory it didn't have to happen. He didn't kiss you. You kissed him." I just stood there blankly and speechless, not knowing what to say at all. Dean drew closer to me and wiped my tears gently. "Rory do you still love me? Did you ever love me?" Tears were flowing down Dean's face like a waterfall. "I still love you Dean and I always have."  
  
Dean 'God Rory! Stop!' I thought to myself. ' Stop saying you love me! I know you don't. It hurts me to say, but I know you're in love with Jess. God! I was so stupid!' "Then why did you hurt me?" 'Damn! Why did I have to ask this? I already know the answer.' "Dean I'm so sorry. I really am. I know if I told you how sorry I was 5 billion times it wouldn't change the fact that I kissed Jess, but believe me Dean I really am. I love you, I still love you, I always have and I always will." "Rory how can I? You lied to me." Dean's tears were now flowing down like Niagara Falls. "Did you even think of telling me?"  
  
Rory  
  
"Of course I did!" My tears were now bigger than ever. I couldn't hold back my emotions any longer I had to let it out. I had to tell Dean my feelings. How much I love him even though he might not believe me. I had to tell him the truth; I didn't wanna lie to him anymore. I loved him too much. "It was all I thought about. How I was gonna tell you, but I was too scared." "Scared of what?"  
  
"How you were gonna take it. I was scared of losing you. I don't know how to live without you and I don't wanna take the chance and find out." My tears were now the size of melted polar ice caps and so were Dean's.  
  
Dean  
  
I drew closer to her. I hugged her tightly like she was being carried away by a hurricane. She hugged me even tighter. We remained like this, speechless for what seemed like forever. I had nothing to say; I didn't know what to say or even how to react. No thoughts even came to my mind. What now? What now Dean? What are you gonna do? Nothing came to my mind and I wasn't sure of anything. The only thing that I was sure of was that I love Rory and I always have and I always will no matter what even if she did wanna be with Jess and hurt me once again. I pulled away from Rory and gazed at her glowing face. A drop of tear flowed down my cheek and I stroked her hair once again. "Rory, I'm sorry." It was all I could say. I wanted to say more and say what I was sorry for. I was sorry for not being good enough for her and not being the guy that she wants to be with. I was sorry that I thought that she didn't love me. Most of all I was sorry that I made her feel this way. She wouldn't have felt this way if it weren't for me. She could've kissed Jess without feeling any guilt if it wasn't for me. I couldn't take it anymore, I ran out of the house.  
  
Rory  
  
"Dean!" Why had he run out on me? Why? For a minute I hated Dean and how he left me there shocked and alone. Then I thought about it. I was the one that left him alone and shocked and even worse. hurt. I kissed Jess and lied to him. He was clueless about the whole situation. I deserted him and kissed Jess behind his back. I felt so horrible as I stood there like a statue with my feet glued on to the floor. I walked out of his room; I just couldn't take it anymore. Dean's feeling of emptiness left a mark in his room that made me so guilty. I walked out of his house and walked slowly back home. I was too weak to even breathe, let alone walk. The streets were empty and silent and I was all alone. I kept walking on thinking about my guilt till I reached the house. Jess was sitting, smiling, on the porch waiting for me. "Hey," greeted Jess with his usual cheery voice when he greeted me. "Hey." "Welcome home." "Thanks." "Well, you're always welcome." Jess gestured for a hug. "Can I have a hug?" Jess grimaced. "No." I sniffled and wiped my tears. "Ok. Why?" "Nothing." I sniffled some more and wiped my unstoppable tears once again. I stepped closer to the porch from where Jess was sitting. "Come on. What's wrong? Maybe I can help." Jess stood up and drew nearer to me. He placed his hand on my right cheek and wiped my tear away. I slapped it away. "No! You can't help Jess! You can't! You'll just make everything worse!" "What's that supposed to mean?" "Come on Jess don't act stupid!" "Rory what are you talking about?" "Oh, come on Jess. The kiss. didn't that mean anything to you?" "Of course it did! But you ran away and just left me there. I didn't know what or what I was supposed to think or if I was supposed to feel like the way I felt. I care about you Rory. I think I'm in love with you." Silence. Jess drew closer to me grinning. I wanted to step back but my feet were glued down on the ground. Jess stop walking towards me and we were only an inch apart. "I think you should leave." "No, not until you tell me how you feel." He crossed his arms. "Please, don't make this any harder." "Make what harder?" "To forget about everything. To leave the stupid kiss and everything behind. To stick to the fact that we're just friends and always will be friends. Jess. I don't feel the same way as you." "That's a lie and you know it. We can never be just friends. We're meant to be together Rory." "Oh, my, God! Are you insane?!" "Fine! Then look me in the eye and say you don't love me too."  
  
I turned away. 'God Rory! Why can't you just tell him. tell him that you don't love him.' Finally I got the courage to look at him again. "I'm in love with Dean. You and I are just friends and if you can't accept that then I guess we're nothing at all." "But Rory, I love you, and I know you're in love with me too." "No you don't! First you come in here and turn everyone's lives upside down. Then you get my feelings all confused. Then now, you screw up everything I had with Dean, the only person whom I was ever truly in love with and cared about. Jess, you don't love me. You love yourself. You're so selfish. You only think of your priorities, you never worry about how I feel or even begin to question it." I was crying even harder than before. "No! That's not it! You're just scared! You didn't even say goodbye to me when you left. But who cares. You know why you ran away? Cuz you were so worried about your relationship with bag boy getting messed up!" Jess began to cry, which was very unusual. He wasn't really into the whole being emotional thing and all.  
  
"Fine! I was scared of messing up my relationship with Dean. I didn't wanna ruin our relationship. I didn't want him to find out about it because I know it would screw up everything and I would lose him. I don't wanna lose him Jess. I love him. I didn't wanna ruin our relationship and I didn't want him to find out about our kiss cuz it was just stupid. It didn't mean anything and I didn't want that to be the burden of our relationship. It was just a stupid accident. I didn't want that to ruin my relationship with Dean. I love him. I'm sorry that I ran away. I just didn't wanna mess things up. I had to run away because I wanted to avoid the fact that I kissed you. I'm sorry that I kissed you. I was just happy to see you, that's why I did it. I was scared that if Dean found out he would break up with me. I don't wanna lose him, but I think I already did. Jess can't you understand? I love Dean." I began to cry once again. "Rory, that's all just bull! And you know it!" Jess walked away swiftly. I felt so guilty but it was the truth. I think. I ran to the house and rushed inside to my room. I lied down on my bed thinking about things and then thinking some more. I thought about a lot of things, why did Dean walk out on me? Did that mean that it was over between us? Now that he knows about everything. I tried to avoid pondering about the whole situation but I just couldn't. I was sorry for yelling at Jess and, but I felt even more sorry for Dean. I'm such a terrible person; I just messed up two people's lives! I wanted to do something to make everything better, but there was nothing I could do. All I could do was blame myself of how stupid I was. I thought about what I should do even though I know there was nothing I could do except to apologize to both of them. I thought hard about it, but my mind was mostly occupied by the thought of Dean. I wondered where he was and what he was thinking about. Was he thinking of me? Did he even care about me anymore? Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted when I heard a knock on the door. 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This is my very first fanfic. Please review but be kind. LOLZ  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters and etc. because Amy Sherman Paladino owns it. I wish I did though, but unfortunately all I own is the idea for this fanfic.  
  
Pairing: R/J haha don't be confused because bag boy is involved.  
  
Dean  
  
I stood there waiting for Rory to answer the door. I didn't even know what I was doing here. She probably hated my guts and didn't wanna see my shadow or me. 'Dean what are you doing here?' I asked my self. Just then Rory opened the door and asked the same thing.  
  
"Dean what are you doing here?" Her face was radiant and seemed like she was happy to see me. I her hand in mine. I said nothing at first but just looked down at the ground. I tried to get the words out but I went blank. I wanted to tell her 'Rory I love you. I'm sorry. I forgive you for everything. I don't care that you kissed Jess. I still love you.' Instead of saying this unexpected words came out of my mouth.  
  
"I just wanted to do this one last time before." I leaned over and kissed her gently almost delicate. I knew this would be the last chance I would ever get to do this. The last time eternally that I would ever feel the tenderness of her lips on mine.  
  
"Before what? You go off to join the army?"  
  
I chuckled. Then I paused and the serious feeling of sorrow came over me again. I looked deeply into her eyes and placed my hand on her cheek very gently. It took me a moment to get the words out.  
  
"Rory, Jess cares about you. a lot. I know that he loves you and that he wants to be with you and I know that you do too."  
  
"Dean, if this is about the kiss you're wrong. It didn't mean anything. It was a mistake okay?" "No, Rory it wasn't a mistake. it was meant to happen. Jess loves you. and I could sense that you had a thing for him too. I tried to deny it all and pretend that none of it was there. But when I found out about the kiss. I realized what I had to do. I don't wanna pretend anymore Rory. I should have done this before but I couldn't accept it because I loved you too much but that was totally selfish of me and I knew it.  
  
I acted like such a jealous freak and an over possessive monster all the time because I knew that you were fading away from my world. I knew you had feelings for Jess and I ignored it but when I found out about the kiss. that's when I realized that you're falling deeply for him. I'm sorry that I hadn't done the right thing sooner Rory. I can't change the way you feel and I'm sorry for trying to. Being with me, I know is no longer what you want."  
  
"So you're saying this is it? Dean, you're ending our relationship because you say it's what I want. What about what you want?"  
  
"I know what I want but I also know what is right. What I want now is not what's important. You've always been my first priority. You came before anyone else that I truly cared about. I have to do what is right because I know it is what's right for you and for us all.  
  
I have to do the right thing no matter how much it will hurt me. Love is about making sacrifices and this is the sacrifice I have to do now. I guess we all have to suffer to delight in the truth."  
  
A drop of tear flowed down Rory's face and then bigger drops came endlessly. My emotions were driving me to do the same but I fought the tears back with all my strength. I wiped Rory's tears away and tucked a tress of her hair behind her ear. Then I held her hand tightly enclosed into both of mine tightly.  
  
"I wish all the best for you Rory. You're the best person that I ever knew. You've changed me a whole lot and transformed me into a complete person. Be happy with Jess. I know he loves you very much."  
  
I took a step closer to her "I hope someday I'll find what I'm looking for. I know I'll hopefully move on and find another love."  
  
I took another step towards her and reached for her other hand and looked deeply into her eyes with all the feeling I could muster.  
  
". But I know I can never love anyone else to the extent of how much I loved you."  
  
I brought her hands to my lips and kissed them softly. I placed her hands on my cheek and it made me feel wonderful and cured all the heartache I was feeling. Then I let go of her hands and wiped a drop of tear that rushed down her cheek.  
  
"Goodbye Rory." I said it almost like in a whisper and I managed to paint a tired but promising smile on my face. Then I had to do the last thing. the hardest thing. I turned around slowly and walked away into misery.  
  
All the tears that I've been holding back earlier now flowed down my face like the endless flow of a waterfall. I continually walked through the streets of Stars Hollow, which every corner had memories of the past. I passed the bookstore where we have been to so many times. It was where I waited endlessly with frustration until I saw Rory's face delighted with her new books. Her delighted expression faded all the frustration that I felt away. In fact. she took all the negativity in my life away and turned it into something good. Now. only memories of her can bring such comfort and happiness.  
  
I kept walking with my hands in my pocket with no real destination in mind. Walking through the streets of Stars Hollow used to be a normal thing, now every time I pass its corners, it was like watching a flashback movie of everything. I circled the town once more and then finally stopped at the gazebo and sat down.  
  
I rested my face in my hands and still crying, only this time not because of sorrow or anguish. It was because now I know what sacrifices in true love really mean. It means "everything", it means having to do everything no matter how impossible, including. losing it all. Losing all of it just because you want to give everything to your true love and to show that you truly care. I guess you never really know what true love is until you've lost it.  
  
I was all - alone. feeling isolated by every soul. Then a shadow that seemed familiar appeared. It was Jess. I walked over wiping my tears. "Jess!" 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This is my very first fanfic. Please review but be kind. LOLZ NOTE: Just in case you're confused or anything on the first lines of each new POV it will say the character's name that the POV is coming from.  
  
Disclaimer: I own everything! Hahaha Yes, that actually means nothing.=0( I know it's so sad. So I'm just gonna go and cry now. ::sniffle, sniffle::  
  
Pairing: R/J haha don't be confused because bag boy is involved.  
  
Flashback/Rewind: Ok, Rory and Dean broke up the night that she came home from Washington. Now Dean is really upset that he broke up with her but feels happy and good that he did it. He takes a walk around Stars Hollow and sees Jess.  
  
"Jess!"  
  
'Okay, why the hell am I doing this again?' I thought to myself. I walked over and he turned around with a questioning look on his face.  
  
"Well, well, if it isn't bag boy." He smiled with that usual evil-like expression.  
  
"Look, I just need to talk to you about something. I'm not here to start anything."  
  
"Gee, really, cuz you don't seem like the talking type. You usually just tower over me with that ' I'm taller than you so you better get out of my way before you end up in a body cast for life' expression."  
  
"Jess, shut up. This is the only time I'm gonna be nice and not harm you."  
  
"So. what is this like a truce?" He began to laugh. That same laugh that I've always hated and dreaded to hear. That stupid Jess laugh.  
  
"Whatever, call it what you want."  
  
"Okay, fine. You have five minutes of my precious time bag boy."  
  
"Okay, look-  
  
"Whatever, you're wasting your time. Whatever you say in five minutes I'm probably not gonna care about anyway."  
  
"It's about Rory." Jess' usual I-don't-care expression swiftly faded and suddenly interested.  
  
"Wow, I can see that got your attention. You love her don't you?"  
  
Jess paused for a second then finally got the words out that he wanted to say.  
  
"Doesn't matter cuz she chose you."  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh, yeah. Why would you say that? She didn't even say goodbye to me when she left. Hell, she didn't even tell me that she was even leaving to go to Washington! And dammit! She's still with you!"  
  
"I broke up with her." Jess  
  
"What?!"  
  
'Geez, I thought bag boy was obsessed about her. I thought I would have to die first to see the day that he would finally let go of her. I guess everything is full of surprises. Life isn't what it seems after all. This is like the happiest moment of my life! Well, I at least thought it was for a moment but now. I don't seem so sure anymore. It's like I'm starting to develop a sense of sympathy for the one person that I truly was disgusted at.' I thought to myself.  
  
"Okay, not that I'm concerned about your health or anything, but I know how much this is gonna affect your "emotional pyramid". So, why the hell would you do that?"  
  
"Because I'm an idiot."  
  
"Well, it figures."  
  
"I've been an idiot. I tried to deny everything that was there because I couldn't accept it. I've been blind for so long but I guess I can't go on being one."  
  
"Denying what?"  
  
"You really want me to go through all the pain don't you?"  
  
"Hey, it's just an innocent question."  
  
Jess smirked.  
  
"I denied the fact that you had a thing for Rory and. that she had a thing for you too. I pretended not to see any of what was there. I hated reality. I hated reality so much that I never wanted to wake up from my dream. that Rory still loved me. I pretended that everything was and would stay the same. Then I found out about the kiss. and that was when I realized that I had to wake up from the dream that I was having.  
  
And that I had to stop pretending and face reality. the truth. The truth that Rory no longer loves me . but loves you.  
  
"Whoa, okay, so you know about the kiss. Are you gonna beat me up by any chance? Cuz, hey, it wasn't my fault she kissed me alright?"  
  
"I know."  
  
"Okay, so why the hell are you telling me all this?"  
  
"Because. I was hoping that you actually do care about her. That you do truly love her."  
  
Jess looked down at the ground with his hands in his pockets then looked back up at me.  
  
"I do. but I'm not so sure she feels the same way." "No, that's not true. She cares about you. a lot and she doesn't know how to tell you. She can't tell you because she's too afraid. Heck, what the hell am I saying? She's in love with you Jess!"  
  
"Then shouldn't you be clobbering me, chopping me up into tiny-itsy-bitsy pieces and hey, maybe burn me afterwards right now?!"  
  
"No cuz I've already done enough damage. and hurting you in such a way would only bring her more sorrow and make her hate me even more in the end. I love her too much and I don't think I can live with that. knowing that I destroyed her life, because she's so in love with you. As much as I am tempted to. I just want her to be happy because. I still love her."  
  
Jess stood there kind of blankly and half-stunned in all that I had said to him.  
  
Jess  
  
'I'm probably having a weird and obscure dream right now cuz the guy standing right in front of me crying his heart out looks exactly like Dean. I have never thought of Dean as a person whom felt so deeply this way. Well, probably about Rory but still, this was way more than I had expected. He truly cared for her and now it shows how much and probably even more than he has showed.'  
  
"Look I know we're not friends or anything. but I was just hoping that you can do something for me."  
  
'Hey, I admit I never had a good relationship with bag boy and that he didn't have a good impression of me and the same with him. I don't really know what came over me so I said.  
  
"Sure, I mean like I don't even know why the hell I'm saying 'sure' but. what the heck, I might as well try and hear you out."  
  
'I guess it was because I wanted to be a friend to him just for once. I guess it was because of the fact that he really cared about Rory and decided to do what was right for her. I thought that took real guts. Giving up someone you truly love.'  
  
"Take are of Rory. and don't hurt her."  
  
"I won't."  
  
'With that all said our conversation was over, but it still seemed not to end. The words that we spoke were like buried in my mind eternally. I watched Dean walk away and I could tell that he was crying but probably because of happiness mixed with sadness and. heartache.'  
  
More A/N: If you wanna read more of what's gonna happen just review. =0) 


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